So this is Christmas...

I have to admit it, Christmas morning was really hard for me this year. And it wasn't because something bad happened to me or to my loved ones; it was because I am selfish.

Nice, huh?

Here's the deal: Out here in the rural Philippines, Christmas morning is NOT a time for family celebrations. Instead, it's a time when kids, moms, & grandmothers go all over town, door-to-door, asking for candy, crackers, & money. To put some perspective on this, the kids in our town usually start doing this every night from December 1 through Christmas Eve. It's like Halloween, except with Christmas carols & no costumes, going on for almost a month! Then, they wrap up with the big finale by going all over town for hours on Christmas morning. You can imagine that all of this wears a bit thin by December 25.

Also on Christmas morning, anyone for whom you are a godparent (& we've got a lot of godchildren after almost 11 years in the Philippines!) is allowed to come by your home for snacks, drinks, & gifts. We usually try to head some of this off at the pass by going around to our godchildren a few days before Christmas & giving them gifts then. It works pretty well, but it's not surefire by any means. 

This year, we had a lovely family stop by on Christmas morning. We really like them, & we love their little daughter. She's 2 years old, & since we are her parents' godparents (via their wedding), we are considered her grandparents! She actually uses the Filipino terms for "grandpa" & "grandma" to refer to us, so I am "Lola Kristin", & my husband is "Lolo Tom". It's really cute when I don't let it make me feel old before my time.

Our "granddaughter", trying out gingerbread cookies for the first time

 The family that stopped by brought a sister & some of her kids, too:

Having Coke & cookies on our front porch

 We had a lovely time with them, but it was long. Probably one-and-a-half hours long. It started to rain. Hard. And they couldn't leave. And it was all ok, because I reminded myself how special these people were, & how it was wrong to just make Christmas about myself & my family.

Finally, when the rain slowed down, they left to go home:

First, we took a photo on the road outside our house

Then, they all piled on their motorcycle. Can you fit this many people in your family sedan?

And I finally relaxed. Because the visitors we had expected were gone, & the people coming around to ask for candy & everything were slowing down. Soon, it was going to be just about us again.

Or not.

Because then a lady & her daughter stopped by. My husband knows her from ministry, but she has no claim on us as godparents. We didn't have a gift prepared for her, & we weren't expecting her. It was hard to figure out what she wanted, but we went through the whole ritual again, of getting out snacks, pouring more Coke, sitting, down, listening, etc. It was time for me to make lunch, & our kids were getting a bit cranky. So was I! This didn't fit with my plan for MY special holiday.

It got worse when this lady, who had always seemed sweet before, began to gossip about other people in the community where she lives. I had gone in to make lunch, but my husband was still out on the front porch, listening to her & growing increasingly uncomfortable. I can't say I was sad to have an excuse to get away from her. She went on for a long time, & then, as it began to drizzle outside, she started to move toward leaving. However, before she left, she began to hint around that we had extra umbrellas, & she really wanted one. We're used to this kind of thing from people we don't know here, but it made us feel sort of used by someone we're supposed to have a bit of a relationship with.

Our sweet 9-year-old daughter, however, generously offered up an older-but-still-cute umbrella of her own for them to take home. She took joy in giving it, having no idea of any manipulation or wheedling on this woman's part. I fumed inside the house.

Joyous, right?

Later, after lunch, we shut up our house, took a nap, & had a family Christmas celebration. It was great! Family from the USA had sent special gifts for our girls, & we had a wonderful family time around the tree:

But later, I got to thinking: I had missed the boat completely. In my selfishness, I forgot what Christmas was all about - the incarnation. When God became one of us so that He could share love, Truth, & the gift of eternal life with us.

I came to the Philippines, also to share Christ. But I wasn't too incarnational this Christmas. I forgot about becoming one of the people that I came to serve, & I forgot about serving them. I went through the motions, but without a truly generous, incarnational spirit. I have so much to learn & so much growing to do. I went back to God, confessing my sinfulness & thanking Him that He showed me this ugly part of myself, so that I can give it over to Him.

I praise God that He's willing to use me, warts & all, to be His hands & feet here in the place where He's led me. Even more, I'm grateful that He loves me just the way I am, but He also loves me enough to help me keep changing into someone more like Him.